blessed, sahlin studios

I have never scrapped about this before...please don't feel bad for me. It was a beautiful experience and I as much as I would like to have him here now...I would not trade the moments I had for anything.

Journaling: The day Jacob born was the happiest and saddest day of my entire life. We knew that it was too early and we had actually prepared ourselves for his death. Giving birth knowing that I was going home with empty arms almost seemed more than I could bear. But, as he got closer to birth and we realized that he was actually going to make it into this world alive...
everything changed. Where there had been sadness, there was now joy. Where there had been dread, there was now anticipation. And although I knew that I would still be going home with empty arms, somehow just being able to have him, if even just for a few precious moments was enough. His spirit was so big...in that impossibly tiny body, I cannot begin to explain how powerful he was. Truly, the most powerful person I have ever had the privilege of meeting in this life. He was ours for only fifteen minutes, but I know that someday, he will be mine forever. So, until then, I hold his memory in my heart and wait for the day I can hold my someday baby in my arms again.

December 29, 1999